Pain Processing

“Porque é tantas vezes dificil para mim por em palavras o que sinto, penso e devo comunicar...”

Because it is in fact so many times so difficult for me to express in words, what i feel, think and what just has to be communicated…”


Pain Processing and the pride of Masochism


Something this girl used to do was to try and control her body into taking more, and more and more. Yes potentially dangerous and harmful but to this girl sometimes pain was and still is something of an addiction.

There’s two points to this really but they both really stem around controlling what you still *can* control. No matter how small.

Firstly breathing. This is why this one asks You to allow her to breathe, to teach her to breathe pain, intensely, repeatedly but with time to breathe pain trough.


The second well is small things, small movements and how much freedom and control one can and do feel, whether one moves fingers or toes. A small movement is sometimes the fine line between control and total abandonment. And yes this one understands how the importance of abandonment, surrender and submission.

However this girl doesn’t consciously do these things to gain control nor power.

She thinks before she was with Master she felt more of a need to prove herself, to show that she was a “good” masochist. Also the public play experiences she used to feel that she had to take what was being given to her so as not to look weak and maybe , she hates to admit this knowing that Master will read this (and this is a present to You dear beloved Master) for sure there was some ego there too!

However in private now (everywhere with You is private) she doesn’t have to prove anything to anyone, learning that there is no audience but You and You can read her well enough to keep the pace right without her having to do anything to keep up or keep balance…

In the beginning she consciously and subconsciously felt the need to challenge You, to push You into giving her more, to trigger sadistic reactions. she doesn’t feel that need anymore, because now she knows You will push her when You feel its right to or she needs You to …and that is in fact enough…

Yours