been a long time since i revisited this place, a secret place
reading everything all over once again, i see read so much hate, so much hurt and i can almost feel simpathy for myself (i smile on this thought)
life smiled to me again as only she knows how
my memory still pushes strongly passed moments in time lost in gone tides...
this is 2008 a new beginning, life but i still
cant feel joy, pleasure for being here but i thank the gods that surround me, my angels and my dead loved ones for their unconditional energy
everyday - Thank you all MY GODS
i have feelings of hope that the wound will heal and that i want to continue true
i have wishes of truth, of trust in me... again
there will be always a place for beauty in me
Friday, April 18, 2008
Monday, November 26, 2007
New Concept of Love - Property
Não confundas o amor com o delírio da posse, que acarreta os piores sofrimentos. Porque, contrariamente à opinião comum, o amor não faz sofrer. O instinto de propriedade, que é o contrário do amor, esse é que faz sofrer. (...) Eu sei assim reconhecer aquele que ama verdadeiramente: é que ele não pode ser prejudicado. O amor verdadeiro começa lá onde não se espera mais nada em troca.
Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, em 'Cidadela
you little girl
Did I took the Collar away from you? you are wrong. The Collar is yours since the day you were born. W/we made it conscious in O/our minds shortly after December 6th, 2001 and the current symbol was handmade in December 2005 to seal the most important stage of O/our lifes. It is a Seal that will last forever and it is Mine and yours. It is now protected in a safe place.
Do you know, you little girl, where is the most protected place on earth for It? It is in My Heart, which also belongs to you as I will not allow anybody to enter it. The Collar as a value is deeply inside My Heart and the Collar as a material symbol is always carried with Me on My necklace, quite close to the Heart. It is protected here and most importantly, you are protected as well.
you said that the world should not revolve around Me. you are right as far as the general world is concerned. However, you are wrong regarding your world, you little girl.
I am the only One able to protect you and to give you what you need. you know that. The One who gives you Love and passion, pain and pleasure, bondage and shibari, discipline and meaning of Life. The One who is able to repair water heating systems, diesel injection systems and do house repairsJ you name it. you need Me to give you support and progression in your professional career. To give you advice and guidance. you know where the fine balance and taste of regular life and kinky perversion lies. you know that nobody will ride the spiral with you with such wisdom.
you, little girl, take your time to fly by yourself. By the end you will return to My safe port. you know that. That is the true “rumo ao verdadeiro AMOR”. I am the One who Loves you. Without conditions.
"Free for Life... for truth... \nfor purity... hope”. I do agree. That is My way for you. With you.
"Thorn apart but pride...full of \nherself...full”. Did you mean thrown apart? you need Me to correct your english…you should be pride and full of yourself, but not feel thrown apart. you are reconstructing yourself as part of your maturing process. It is an essencial step in your life. you will get stronger and bigger. Take your time. I am here and nobody else will replace you. you are Mine.
Those are words of Hope and Friendship. Words of Love. Feel yourself proud in receiving them. Let your Heart use them wisely. Do not forget that the Seal is forever and no matter what happens you may count on Me. I am yours.
“Free for Life... for truth... for purity... hope”. I do agree. That is My way for you. With you.
“Thorn apart but pride...full of herself...full”. Did you mean thrown apart? you need Me to correct your english… you should be pride and full of yourself, but not feel thrown apart. you are reconstructing yourself as part of your maturing process. It is an essencial step in your life. you will get stronger and bigger. Take your time. I am here and nobody else will replace you. you are Mine.
Those are words of Hope and Friendship. Words of Love. Feel yourself proud in receiving them. Let your Heart use them wisely. Do not forget that the Seal is forever and no matter what happens you may count on Me. I am yours.
I do Love you. I feel it stronger everyday. you need Me as well.
Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, em 'Cidadela
you little girl
Did I took the Collar away from you? you are wrong. The Collar is yours since the day you were born. W/we made it conscious in O/our minds shortly after December 6th, 2001 and the current symbol was handmade in December 2005 to seal the most important stage of O/our lifes. It is a Seal that will last forever and it is Mine and yours. It is now protected in a safe place.
Do you know, you little girl, where is the most protected place on earth for It? It is in My Heart, which also belongs to you as I will not allow anybody to enter it. The Collar as a value is deeply inside My Heart and the Collar as a material symbol is always carried with Me on My necklace, quite close to the Heart. It is protected here and most importantly, you are protected as well.
you said that the world should not revolve around Me. you are right as far as the general world is concerned. However, you are wrong regarding your world, you little girl.
I am the only One able to protect you and to give you what you need. you know that. The One who gives you Love and passion, pain and pleasure, bondage and shibari, discipline and meaning of Life. The One who is able to repair water heating systems, diesel injection systems and do house repairsJ you name it. you need Me to give you support and progression in your professional career. To give you advice and guidance. you know where the fine balance and taste of regular life and kinky perversion lies. you know that nobody will ride the spiral with you with such wisdom.
you, little girl, take your time to fly by yourself. By the end you will return to My safe port. you know that. That is the true “rumo ao verdadeiro AMOR”. I am the One who Loves you. Without conditions.
"Free for Life... for truth... \nfor purity... hope”. I do agree. That is My way for you. With you.
"Thorn apart but pride...full of \nherself...full”. Did you mean thrown apart? you need Me to correct your english…you should be pride and full of yourself, but not feel thrown apart. you are reconstructing yourself as part of your maturing process. It is an essencial step in your life. you will get stronger and bigger. Take your time. I am here and nobody else will replace you. you are Mine.
Those are words of Hope and Friendship. Words of Love. Feel yourself proud in receiving them. Let your Heart use them wisely. Do not forget that the Seal is forever and no matter what happens you may count on Me. I am yours.
“Free for Life... for truth... for purity... hope”. I do agree. That is My way for you. With you.
“Thorn apart but pride...full of herself...full”. Did you mean thrown apart? you need Me to correct your english… you should be pride and full of yourself, but not feel thrown apart. you are reconstructing yourself as part of your maturing process. It is an essencial step in your life. you will get stronger and bigger. Take your time. I am here and nobody else will replace you. you are Mine.
Those are words of Hope and Friendship. Words of Love. Feel yourself proud in receiving them. Let your Heart use them wisely. Do not forget that the Seal is forever and no matter what happens you may count on Me. I am yours.
I do Love you. I feel it stronger everyday. you need Me as well.
26/11/07
I was just reading the posts for this year 2007 and for moments revisit all the pain that was given to me by him, the kind of pain not according to the words " I Love You"
Maybe on a day that his levels of Egoism are low , maybe he will see the truth even if it´s just for a nanosecond...
In the present day he still has his wife and kids waiting for him at home
(the home he wants to keep, it´s fair, his money paid for it)
In the present day he has a new slave (it´s fair after all he is in a Huge Need of having sex and how easy it was for him to find her or should say to find it? after all is just the new toy, and we both know how much you like new things)
In the present day he has my dream in his possessions (it´s fair, after all he needs to own dreams, other peoples dreams, run over people, specially people he loves).
Question: is this a reaction?
Answer: yes it is. knowing you bought the place in these terms??? when you were playing a game with me, playing a game with my feelings ( I still remember your exact words when i tried to call your attention on how important that place was to me, and all the flaws you found on it) and now this? this is hedious
is hedious to invite other people there
its hedious you say that the tattoo guy díd not treated well the woman he left for me?
hedious is you not worrying about anything more when he keeps on supporting her
hedious is you thinking you are better than anyone else (when you betray, hurt and run over everyone´s feelings just for your wantings/needs
hedious is you hoping that this flat is still pretty
an advice:
you keep the slave you have and all the ones to come because this time i really think you killed this one
you keep on making money after all it seems that you can buy everything with it
I am not living a game here as you know although you want to think its just sex,
I am not being proude, you are
You wanted something new and state that i was the one who showed less love,
How can you be so selfish in that statment?
I have been proposed you know??? I guess my yes will definetly end this, after all you showed me what a strong institution marriage is
Maybe on a day that his levels of Egoism are low , maybe he will see the truth even if it´s just for a nanosecond...
In the present day he still has his wife and kids waiting for him at home
(the home he wants to keep, it´s fair, his money paid for it)
In the present day he has a new slave (it´s fair after all he is in a Huge Need of having sex and how easy it was for him to find her or should say to find it? after all is just the new toy, and we both know how much you like new things)
In the present day he has my dream in his possessions (it´s fair, after all he needs to own dreams, other peoples dreams, run over people, specially people he loves).
Question: is this a reaction?
Answer: yes it is. knowing you bought the place in these terms??? when you were playing a game with me, playing a game with my feelings ( I still remember your exact words when i tried to call your attention on how important that place was to me, and all the flaws you found on it) and now this? this is hedious
is hedious to invite other people there
its hedious you say that the tattoo guy díd not treated well the woman he left for me?
hedious is you not worrying about anything more when he keeps on supporting her
hedious is you thinking you are better than anyone else (when you betray, hurt and run over everyone´s feelings just for your wantings/needs
hedious is you hoping that this flat is still pretty
an advice:
you keep the slave you have and all the ones to come because this time i really think you killed this one
you keep on making money after all it seems that you can buy everything with it
I am not living a game here as you know although you want to think its just sex,
I am not being proude, you are
You wanted something new and state that i was the one who showed less love,
How can you be so selfish in that statment?
I have been proposed you know??? I guess my yes will definetly end this, after all you showed me what a strong institution marriage is
Monday, November 19, 2007
wind
Locked ...forever....or the time when time says it´s timeArms wide high ...sigh
Free for Life... for truth... for purity... hope
Thorn apart but pride...full of herself...full
Love another mankind concept...rational, phisiologicall
natacha - The real one
rumo ao verdadeiro AMOR
...the collar was the first thing he took...
only wanting to see his truth, but i cant blame him , i know how and what looked... however i was in truth for the last 2 years...after "summer vacations"
" I came to ask some time , because I sensed you didnt love as you did"
" I didnt make the step to live with you because I knew you were not to be trusted"
" I want someone to take care of me on the future"
bla, bla, bla, bla....
I was asking him action, not words ....but now is gone!!!!
RIDE THE STORM, LIFE GOES ON...
only wanting to see his truth, but i cant blame him , i know how and what looked... however i was in truth for the last 2 years...after "summer vacations"
" I came to ask some time , because I sensed you didnt love as you did"
" I didnt make the step to live with you because I knew you were not to be trusted"
" I want someone to take care of me on the future"
bla, bla, bla, bla....
I was asking him action, not words ....but now is gone!!!!
RIDE THE STORM, LIFE GOES ON...
Monday, June 18, 2007
a dor passa...
"You have to be always drunk. That's all there is to it--it's the only way. So as not to feel the horrible burden of time that breaks your back and bends you to the earth, you have to be continually drunk. But on what? Wine, poetry or virtue, as you wish. But be drunk. And if sometimes, on the steps of a palace or the green grass of a ditch, in the mournful solitude of your room, you wake again, drunkenness already diminishing or gone, ask the wind, the wave, the star, the bird, the clock, everything that is flying, everything that is groaning, everything that is rolling, everything that is singing, everything that is speaking. . . ask what time it is and wind, wave, star, bird, clock will answer you: "It is time to be drunk! So as not to be the martyred slaves of time, be drunk, be continually drunk! On wine, on poetry or on virtue as you wish."
Charles Baudelaire
a dor passou e de novo deu lugar ao desvario, á paixao cada dia maior ...sem dimensao
Charles Baudelaire
a dor passou e de novo deu lugar ao desvario, á paixao cada dia maior ...sem dimensao
Saturday, April 14, 2007
Dor
sinto uma especie de desintegração do corpo fisico...falta-me um membro e ainda não sei qual
as palavras e os sentimentos vougam sem linguagem á deriva do dia...o tempo consome-se sem sentir
não há dia nem noite apenas momentos sobrepostos em nada sem sentido em todos os sentidos...e eu no meio no meu centro...
perdi referencias taramelharam-se os conceitos e nem a logica me acode...tudo me aborrece, me entendia numa ansia que é bem real e que me embrulha o estomago num nó...
não sei o que sou nem o que serei...apenas morri e renasço sem querer ...
dramatizo??? quero pena de mim??? quero-me...nada, quero apenas o momento o meu... entrego-me na esperança da minha homeostase...duvido-a...
não desejo esquecer nunca o que me fez sentir, o que vi o que não vi e o que me foi contado pela outra boca que não a Sua... falo como mulher, adulta á força...mais um pouco da criança desapareceu perante o que é a realidade humana... nunca duvidei de Si como Dono sempre e a toda a gente incluindo á b... que me tinha falhado como Homem mas não como Dono...nunca pensei que o fizesse... apetece-me gritar E EU E EU E EU E EU E EU E EU E EU E EU E EU ...NÒS sem NÒS...NÒS SEM LAÇO...NÒS SEM ENTREGA...NÒS e uma vontade de gritar, chorar, vomitar ...NÒS e a falta de ar...
dramatizo porque a dor na alma é real... a rejeição, o desprezo, os Seus olhos baixos quando me cruza... tenho 3 dores na alma ...a Sua é uma delas... a ultima...
e a confiança e a fé e a entrega e o amor e a segurança...será este o membro que falta...e a criança e a amada e a mulher e o projecto de escrava...será este o membro que falta...sem forças!
as palavras e os sentimentos vougam sem linguagem á deriva do dia...o tempo consome-se sem sentir
não há dia nem noite apenas momentos sobrepostos em nada sem sentido em todos os sentidos...e eu no meio no meu centro...
perdi referencias taramelharam-se os conceitos e nem a logica me acode...tudo me aborrece, me entendia numa ansia que é bem real e que me embrulha o estomago num nó...
não sei o que sou nem o que serei...apenas morri e renasço sem querer ...
dramatizo??? quero pena de mim??? quero-me...nada, quero apenas o momento o meu... entrego-me na esperança da minha homeostase...duvido-a...
não desejo esquecer nunca o que me fez sentir, o que vi o que não vi e o que me foi contado pela outra boca que não a Sua... falo como mulher, adulta á força...mais um pouco da criança desapareceu perante o que é a realidade humana... nunca duvidei de Si como Dono sempre e a toda a gente incluindo á b... que me tinha falhado como Homem mas não como Dono...nunca pensei que o fizesse... apetece-me gritar E EU E EU E EU E EU E EU E EU E EU E EU E EU ...NÒS sem NÒS...NÒS SEM LAÇO...NÒS SEM ENTREGA...NÒS e uma vontade de gritar, chorar, vomitar ...NÒS e a falta de ar...
dramatizo porque a dor na alma é real... a rejeição, o desprezo, os Seus olhos baixos quando me cruza... tenho 3 dores na alma ...a Sua é uma delas... a ultima...
e a confiança e a fé e a entrega e o amor e a segurança...será este o membro que falta...e a criança e a amada e a mulher e o projecto de escrava...será este o membro que falta...sem forças!
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